


What you need

by bioticfox (ayambik)



Series: How to date your superiors [1]
Category: Mass Effect - All Media Types, Mass Effect Trilogy
Genre: M/M, ME3, but again, but not here, eventually they work their relationship out, ex-mshega, mshega, not here, shega, silly boys are silly and pining, slightly angsty, this will eventually be part of my mshenga universe
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-06
Updated: 2018-04-06
Packaged: 2019-04-19 02:09:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 890
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14226816
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ayambik/pseuds/bioticfox
Summary: James goes to check on Shepard after Kaidan is hospitalised, and realises their relationship has changed. He wishes it hadn't.





	What you need

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you to [Potionsmaster](https://archiveofourown.org/users/potionsmaster/pseuds/potionsmaster), [BlueTeaParty](https://archiveofourown.org/users/BlueTeaParty/pseuds/BlueTeaParty), and [Bardofheartdive](https://archiveofourown.org/users/BardofHeartDive/pseuds/BardofHeartDive) for all their help, support, encouragement, and beta-ing. This take place in the same universe as my mShenga fic, so if you want to read their happy ending (or happy beginnings) with Kaidan, feel free, but it's not necessary for the story.

"Were you close?"

“Hm?" Shepard looked up from the datapad and blinked, eyes focusing as James came to a stop by his side.

"You and Major Alenko," James clarified, taking a spot on the couch. He sat far enough away from Shepard to be respectable, but could still clearly see a photo of the Major on Shepard's datapad, along with the hospital logo on what appeared to be a medical report from Huerta. Spectre access could get you anything, it seemed. "You seemed pretty upset when we got back."

"We used to be. Seeing him in the hospital, though, knowing how close we were to losing him... There are already too many who aren't here anymore. People who should be."

Shepard switched off the datapad and put it to one side, reaching over for the bottle in the middle of the coffee table. He poured two glasses of whiskey, handing one over to James without looking. 

"Well," James said after taking a sip. "You still have me."

"Shuttle crashing incidents notwithstanding." Shepard huffed with a half smirk as he took a sip of his own whiskey, still not looking James' way. 

Vega tried not to grimace. 'That's how it was going to be, huh?' he thought, 'Jokes and banter from now on, nothing more?' He'd been trying to be heartfelt, serious, and even with all the time they'd spent in each other's arms the last few months, James was back to subordinate and acquaintance at a moment's notice. He sighed. Things were complicated now. Shepard was his commanding officer. He could understand Shepard wanting some distance, as much as James hated it. 

"Shuttle incident notwithstanding," he agreed. If this was what Shepard needed, he'd do it. And he could still be the best goddamn soldier possible. He could still be there for Shepard. Even if only out in the field.

Shepard's smile fell off his face. He rubbed a hand over his face before he reached for his whiskey and downed it. The empty glass slid across the coffee table, John being less than careful when he placed it back down. A frown marred his features, exacerbating the ache James was already trying to ignore in his chest.  

"I don't deserve your loyalty, James." Shepard finally spoke, watching a few droplets of condensation make their way down the side of the tumbler to settle on the tabletop.

James peered down into his own glass. It wasn't often he was at a loss for words when it came to John, but seeing Shepard so...  _ defeated  _ had James stumped. He decided to try a different tactic.

"You know," he began, rotating the whiskey tumbler in his hand, watching the blue light from the fish tank reflect from it's surface, "I idolised you before we met. I had a Normandy badge, watched all the vids. Hell, I contemplated getting a Commander Shepard tattoo, even. And in the end, you're still not the man I'd imagined you to be."

"Sorry to disappoint." Shepard huffed, rolling his eyes and pouring himself another glass.

"Hm. Not what I meant. The months we had in Vancouver were... enlightening," James chose his words carefully, determined not to think about long nights tangled together, pushing away the images that came, "but I'm not disappointed. They say don't meet your heroes... I'm really glad I did," he added softly.

Finally Shepard looked up. James looked away. Staring at those blue eyes would have him reaching out to comfort Shepard in a way that would not be appropriate, not anymore.

"I told you..." James cleared his throat, tapping his fingers on his glass. "You remember I told you about my last mission? Well, after my squad died I spent months-"

"On Omega, I remember."

"Right. I was drinking, gambling, ready to throw my life away. Got into stupid fights for dumb reasons. Some not so dumb ones, too." He risked a glance at Shepard. The intensity he found in Shepard's gaze had him holding his breath for a beat. Giving him a meaningful look that he wasn't sure Shepard would understand, or want to understand, James continued. "Well, Anderson came to get me. Didn't want me to waste my talents, he said. Wanted to put good people around you. Loyal people. Figured that would be me. He was right, but probably not for the reasons he thought."

"Anderson might surprise you. Tends to know more than he lets on."

"Maybe..." James put his glass on the table, and turned to face John. "The point is: the Shepard in the vids... That Shepard doesn't exist. He's not real. The  _ real  _ Shepard, the Shepard in front of me, well... he's the kind of man who stays up all night agonising about his decisions. Going back and forth to figure out whether he's made the right choice, done the right thing. This Shepard has nightmares, makes bad jokes, builds model ships and… And I'd follow  _ this _ Shepard anywhere."

"Because of my model ships?"

"Because you're human." It was James' turn to hold Shepard's gaze. He was serious. About all of it. He meant every last word. "Because you're human, not a superhero, but you do the superhero shit anyway."

Shepard was silent. James stood up. He looked at the still half full glass on the table and turned to leave.

"Thanks for the drink."

**Author's Note:**

> My mass effect tumblr is [bioticfox](http://bioticfox.tumblr.com/) if you want to come say hi :) Comments and feedback welcome here or there <3


End file.
